real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
