We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
