tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
