u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize