This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Barsexuality is the new black.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
