well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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