Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
