I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
