2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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