but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize