I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
