He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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