If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
