It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize