she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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