Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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