dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
