Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
