i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
