i was born a porn star she said
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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