some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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