I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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