I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
