So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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