Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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