Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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