I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
