I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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