If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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