My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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