You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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