a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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