Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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