why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
