guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
