He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
