dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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