I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
