thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
