Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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