The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
