rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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