respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
