i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
