Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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