did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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