Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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