I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
