I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
