Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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