i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.