I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes