Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....