She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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