my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
