I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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