tell your sister to shave her snatch
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
