I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
