i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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