Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
