Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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